WHY CHILDREN do NOT RESPOND TO REQUESTS
As we often hear from parents that children do not pay attention to requests. And the parents are angry, frustrated, “How many times can you play that again? You are deaf. “. So why children do not respond to the request?
Remember the three main rules .
The authority of a parent is never to question. Forget these words: “You don’t obey me”. Keep your face, do not get hysterical. This does not mean that you need to talk to your child rude and inconsiderate. The child does not respond instantly to your requests? Do not rush to blame! Think about it, the baby was very tired and just doesn’t want to hear your instructions to do the things that make it not able to. Maybe the kid just thought, focused on his own feelings. Except with you it isn’t that you can’t hear anything around, absorbed in their emotions? Whether your requirement matches the capabilities and age of your child? Think about that before you put the task in front of the baby. Mom nervously flashy two-three-year-old children: “don’t move! Stay where you are! Don’t run! Now, sit still!”, — to cause confusion. You understand that a child of three should not sit quietly, for him, this state is not normal and pathological. Children at this age needs to run and jump!
Teach the child to hear
Imagine this situation on the Playground at one end of the site Mama screaming child sitting in the sandbox at the other end of the field: “Anya! Don’t grab the sand with your hands!”. The child obediently throws sand, after a few minutes of hand girls are back in the sand. The cry is repeated. Do you think it’s a naughty child? Look at what is happening through the eyes of a little girl. She is on the Playground, so, you need to take the sand with your hands, why else is she here? Mom shouted from somewhere far away, but he does not go to her — so there is no danger. What cried the mother? Not to take sand? The sand she had already left. Now take another, and will build him a castle, and more sand, more. Her mom shouts something? What does it matter? I am building a castle!
Dear parents, before asking the child to fulfill your requests — teach him to hear you.
First step: make eye contact
Installed eye contact with the child. First grab a child’s view. Tune in to the dialogue, use an introductory phrase to capture attention, for example, “son, I want you to say something”. Better to call the child by name, charging him with some task.
The shorter the better. Your request should be as clear and concise, without another word, turns and long sentences. A long argument will lead to loss of attention, the child will cease to hear from you. A wise saying is not only about the brevity and talent, remember this: “the Dog barks — the wind carries”?
Second step: freedom of choice
If possible, offer to determine the child himself, when he will perform the task. For example, give instructions to sort his toys, or bed soon. Specify whether he wants to do it before lunch or after lunch. If the child be given the right to decide for ourselves, then it brought up a sense of responsibility.
There are also so-called conditional freedom of choice. If you want your child dressed warmly, instead of: “get Dressed warmer!” try saying “get Dressed. What are you wearing: jeans or pants?”. So the child will feel that the decision that he, and not you. Runs this way and with small children, entered a phase of “I do!”.
The third step: motivate
Offer your child something from which it would be difficult to refuse. For example: “let’s Go out, get dressed! Look at lions, ride a roller coaster”, and so on. Try to do without the particle “no” in speech. Psychologists say that using “not” with verbs causes the opposite effect, you will not be able to convince people. The brain throws this piece, and one hears the same offer but without the negatives. So instead of: “Dima, don’t run!” it is better to say: “Dima, hold still.”
Step four: because
Be sure to explain the reasons for the bans. Not because hill is dangerous — you can hit. If still the child does not hear, repeat the sentence clearer and slower (not louder, but clearer!).
And remember, prohibitions also should not be too much. Five to seven in one day should not be, it will be overload.