The Contact with the child
Sometimes that busy parents lose contact with the child. How can I recover it? Another frequent situation is that adults come together, form a family, men need to establish contact with the child from his first marriage. How?
Describe Your relationship at the moment.
What would You like to see your relationship with Your child?
What is your relationship with the child’s mother?
Those involved in raising the child?
How often and how much time spends with the child wife?
How often and how much time they spend with the child You?
What do You do with a child when spending time together?
Do You know the interests and Hobbies of Your child?
Do You know his favorite books, movies?
Do You know his friends?
Would You like Your child’s behavior was similar to You? – then take the process of education into their own hands.
1. Relationship with his wife – an example for the child.
2. The process of education – a joint project with your leadership.
3. Exploring the interests and Hobbies of the child.
4. Take part in his Hobbies.
Begin to actively participate in joint activities– ice skating, skiing, chess, pool, computer games, etc. joint book reading with the right suggestions and conclusions based on the values of the joint watching cartoons with your own comments suggestions and formation of values, interested in success in school, organized sports life with sections. preferably martial arts, organize meetings with friends who are successful in life, supported by a positive image of the mother, if possible organise trips for the class, setting an example of healthy lifestyle, we know the riddles, poetry, magic tricks – we are interesting for your child, tell jokes, jokes – learn humor, sharing chores, taught to be master, treat the child as a partner, engaged in the conversation about the values that are generated boundaries and explain them, preferably in the morning and on the evening of 15 minutes talks – morning mood on the day, in the evening summing up, the awareness of what happened, accustom to discipline, ability to give and keep your word.
Support when you need.
With this approach, and adjustment in the process of success in the education of the child is assured.
Many mothers are afraid to start to be demanding with children: “I’m afraid that if I start to speak strictly, demanding that he and I lost contact, he stops to listen to me and run away”. Concerns are understood, but rather to formulate differently: not impersonal, not “contact lost” and “child, unhappy with the austerity mum will start to take actions to warm fellowship with my mother stopped.” And what to do?
The contact is not something that just happens, contact is established by the activity of two people, the actions of the mother and child. And the contact is destroyed not by itself, but when someone – mother or child – decide to stop. It stopped the child is his personal responsibility, about this you can talk to him and with him you can ask for it. And if the child knows what parents and that his mother should obey, we can and should directly ask him not to leave contact directly to ask for a contact to restore. And this can be said if necessary as strictly as all other things.
Another thing, if the mother has no power over the child, before the child spoke, because he just liked to chat with her mother, that was his fun and games. And now, when my mom was strict and he ceased to like to communicate with my mother, he expressed to her his dissatisfaction with her behavior ceases to communicate with her. Because in this family is commanded by the child.
If mom and dad have taken care of that the child will actually listen to them, there came to him not only when he likes and wants, and came when he said senior, then the child broke the contact, you just need to call and explain how to behave in communicating with parents, so that parents do not chase the child. Introduce your child to the format. And the child will do it, because my parents explained to him how to behave when the parents of his name and how to listen when your mother tells you.
Important – raising the expectations may go against the increasing interest of parents for the child. Parents, make sure that you were interesting for the child: the living, emotional, joyful, open, more play, more to tell something interesting, and then the child is completely comfortable with the fact that more and demands are increasing. Usually run away when a lot of demands and little warmth, interest and joy. The ratio of rigor and joy in dealing with you should be (optimally) 1 to 7, at least still, the number of observations and requirements must be smaller than the number of enjoyable and joy.
The demands of parents to children is not right and the duty senior. If parents do not introduce children to the fact that such claims and demands, children are not ready for the demands of adult life. Combined with diligence, reasonable demands of parents working to improve their credibility and enables them to fulfil their responsibilities as parents. On the other hand, the authority of the parents disappears when his parents undemanding accustom children to the fact that the senior can not be ignored.
What are the requirements for children are working on enhancing the authority of parents?
Kids should know what is the format of communication with the senior, and the format to follow.
Children should be accustomed to the fact that parents shouldn’t raise my voice. In conversation with parents not to make faces and grimace, and it’s a skill that children must be learned. Talking with parents, you need to pick words and phrases – that is, to behave like children with respectable people. Naturally, this does not exclude that in other situations with their parents can play, make noise and ride is just across time and place. About emerging problems.
Children should be taught to follow the orders of parents.
Orders parents mandatory. Children should get used to that parents can give them orders, and these orders need to be executed without delay and review. If now is the time to do the lessons, not a TV – children. If it’s time to go, the children said they come and go. If you taught children to ensure that your orders can be ignored, that father and mother can not pay attention – you will not be considered. How to teach children to listen to you? About it we already wrote, we remind you: encourage your child to listen and obey.
Children must be taught to cooperate rather than fight with their parents.
If worthy parents, children with parents do not need to quarrel, no need to rebel against them, and in testing the child has no parental resilience parents need to be firm. If parents are bad, the situation is special.
The authority of parents grows when parents combine their caring approach and insistence. Demands without solicitude perceived as pressure, without concern demands not a matter of respect: children quickly “sit on the neck.”