Parents ‘ Divorce: how to help your child cope with feelings?
Starting the divorce process, many parents are less likely to think about their children, believing that “the child is easier to accept what is happening” and “the child quickly everyone will forget”.
Of course, children are able to adapt to any new conditions, but this does not mean that their soul will not remain deep shocks and wounds. Therefore, the necessary care and support of parents in such a sensitive and important period of family life – in the period of the divorce.
In most cases, divorce involves multiple losses: the distance of one of the parents, its final relocation to another residence, moving the child into a new home, change of the financial situation in the family, loss of familiar surroundings, family changes, loss of sense of well-being and security instability in everything.
Than to help a child in this situation, considering the above mentioned aspects and the fact that parental divorce is still nervous shock to a child’s psyche? Let’s start in order.
The recovery phase after the divorce for a long period, both for parents and for their child. Divorce is easier to affect a child’s psyche, if you will remain calm. To simplify the situation, you must adhere to the following recommendations:
1. Do not shift to adult child problems. The child has adapted to the changed post-divorce conditions, including psychologically, he needs to support. Positive support you need, but the role of the counselor and Comforter should not be, in turn, to pass on to their shoulders, as it is more deeply traumatize the kid – he’s just not able to cope with the load of your problems.
2. Do not hide the truth . Be sure to explain to your child that the divorce is not directly associated with him. Tell him that the problem lies in family disagreements regarding only you and your (former) spouse. Also, convince him that he still love and dad and mom and the divorce will not affect the attitude of parents to him.
3. Give your child the ability to adapt to changed circumstances gradually, as he is extremely difficult to perceive their parents apart. Worse, if the baby will move and he will lose his familiar surroundings, neighbours, friends, will replace the kindergarten or school. Of course, to avoid these changes is impossible, but you should try to reduce their number.
4. Do not rush to arrange his personal life. It’s best to postpone this issue for two years, giving the child enough time to recover after the divorce. Besides, you are still very vulnerable, so a new relationship can deliver a lot of experiences. Better concentrate power in his recovery and the needs of the child.
5. Do not forbid the child to love and to continue to communicate with the other parent. Your resentment can harm the relationship of the child with the father (mother), therefore, refrain from negativity when talking about your ex-husband (wife), you’re doing it for the child. It will be easier if you let him continue to treat the other parent.
6. Do not deprive the child’s childhood . Do not discuss in the presence of a child, financial problems, schedule a visit to the other parent, please refrain from conflicts and quarrels. Do not use the child as an argument in an argument or a source of information transmission, in every possible way protect his psyche. Remember about the destructive power of divorce, stay gentle and empathetic towards the child, because his mental balance and recovery is most important.
What should be paid attention to after the divorce?
You cannot always tell the child that his parents divorced and the family is dysfunctional. Children are very difficult to hide their status, but if this fails, it means that parents are properly cared for the feelings of the child.
The majority of parents, having a divorce, try to take the kids to other cities, often close to their relatives, relying on their assistance. However, in this case, the lost financial support of the other parent are excluded frequent meetings and communication with him. Complete rupture of the parental relationship is deeply traumatic for the child, affecting his mental health and behavior, often reflected on such mental functions like attention, memory, etc. Consider whether to deprive a child of the society of former spouse completely?
Divorce – this is a complex topic. Unfortunately, in our society divorce is gradually becoming a common phenomenon. The child sees the parents divorce as a catastrophe, the collapse of her little life. His reaction may be ambiguous. Anxiety, depression, isolation – this is only a small part of the feelings that can overcome a child. Therefore, before beginning the divorce process think about how it can affect a child. If divorce is inevitable, support their child, create the most favourable conditions for its further development, to help him through this difficult life stage.