MOM OR DAD: WHO is more IMPORTANT?
It was believed that girls are more important mother, for a boy — dad. But times and mores have changed…
In the old days everything was loud and clear: the father — getter, moral authority, protection and support. He has the right to prohibit and punish, to guide the child in choosing a career. Mother — the Keeper of the hearth. She settles the household, takes care of children, providing emotional support. Today, increasingly, we observed sex-role exchange. Mother and father also become interchangeable figures.
THE MORES OF A NEW ERA
That daddy knows how to wash and cook, and my mother — to make good money, is no surprise. It is believed that flexibility, flexible parental roles positively affects the child’s development, because modern society requires individuals of the same — flexibility, ability to compromise, to adapt to the circumstances. Brutal cowboys and pampered Princess in the past. Today plays a major role strong personality, individuality, able to withstand the stresses of the information society, to know themselves and develop their best side. This is what psychologists and sociologists suggest that you prepare.
Mom for the baby — the whole world. It is important physical intimacy moms, breastfeeding, constant tactile contact. Psychologists are advised not to part with the baby since birth and to choose the hospital where permitted joint stay of mother and newborn. And all for the little one felt that the world favorable to him, that here he is loved and welcome. So trust has been formed for the people and the knowledge that you are not alone in the Universe. The figure of the father in the baby’s life before it was considered minor, but times and mores have changed. A lot of dads are present at birth, from the first day care of the child no less than mother, except that not breast fed. So in the mind of the baby is formed the image of a family where a man and a woman — equal partners, colleagues, friends. It is believed that such relationships help the child to overcome the complexes of Oedipus and ELEKTRA, which told Sigmund Freud. The essence of his theory that the boy enters into rivalry with the father, and the girl — with his mother in order to win the affection of the parent of the opposite sex. Psychotherapists claim that in families where mom and dad nursed a baby together, these complexes are weakened and painless. The child grows less prone to rivalry, configured to search for a compromise in communication.
However, the majority of moms and dads faced with the need to go to work, leaving the child in the care of nannies and grandmothers. Psychologists believe that such a child grows more independent, less trusting, waiting for peace gifts, and committed themselves to gain what they want. Is it bad?
If your family has the traditional model where the mother is a housewife and the father is the breadwinner, then the child perceives the mother as the protector of its interests, and father — as the authority figure, but not cause of adoration.
At the age of three years a person first becomes aware of himself as an independent personality. The child begins to understand that he is a boy or a girl, and tries to imitate the parent of the same sex. How sensitively and intelligently parents behave, depends on what self-esteem is formed at the child in the future: too high, too low or adequate.
The girl with 4 to 7 years strives to be like my mother, begins to play role-playing games, where it assigns itself a female role — the daughter or the mother. Task moms — to maintain a feminine image and to set an example. The task of the Pope — be sure to admire the girl, to make her compliments. However, the feminine mother can grow daughter is a Tomboy. And edgy mother-emancipa wonders who it is she has such a romantic daughter, a devotee Barbie? In this case, it is important that she be allowed to be different from the mother. And the father, no matter how daredevil was the daughter should not see her as a young lady. Blame: «Well, you’re a girl! And dirty, like a kid!” — lay Foundation for low self-esteem, form a negative attitude to the opposite sex, which is fraught with problems.
The boy tries to imitate the father in manners of conduct, and by occupation. Father and son must have a common leisure — football, fishing, chess. My mother’s task in this period — to give the son of autonomy and freedom of choice. Let the boy decide what clothes to wear, he chooses friends and Hobbies. Then he will grow up to be a confident man who can be responsible for their promises and actions.
Particularly noteworthy is the manifestation of aggression in boys. Do not forbid the son to fight. Just explain that the first resorts to fists one who is not able to resolve the conflict peacefully. However, to scold the boy for what he fought back provocateurs, not!
Freedom of a teenager, its separation from the family — it’s a moral search, which can be very harsh, even aggressive forms. for girls it is very important the support of his father. She desperately needs the father thought of her as beautiful, attractive and talked about it. But the boy needed the support of her mother: if she sees him as an independent and responsible person, it should be.
The teenager tries to form a personal view about a man and a woman, and not always ideal become mom and dad. So be wise! let them know of the maturing child that the house — a place where he is always welcome and accept the way he is. Teenagers will appreciate this though will never admit out loud.