How to teach 7-year-old son to obey?
Your question is complicated by their small informative — unfortunately, the information provided by you is not enough for a full-fledged system of psychoanalysis. However, I will try to respond maximally deployed.
This stubborn “Golden” child
Strangely enough, but the efforts of parents, the most stubborn and disobedient child may be the one born with the “Golden” child, obedient, diligent and kind.
We are talking about children with anal vector. You can call them the “mamonovskij” — these children, like anyone else, depend on mom, with her approval (or disapproval). These children are sometimes called passive — they are really led and need mom directed, praised, recognized his achievements.
Anal children differ in rigidity of thinking, and a slower metabolism. Their body is not designed for sprint races — in all senses of the word. Therefore, these children sometimes seem slow, and the parents may be tempting to hurry the child.
This leads to the fact that the child strays from his rhythm and can’t finish the job. Due to the peculiarities of the psyche of a child is forced to start over, than even more annoying parents.
It is a vicious circle — parents get the child, he can’t finish the job and begins to be stubborn…
The psyche of these children has a special feature for their psychological comfort necessary to be “equally”. The figure of their psychological comfort — square. And any “deflection” all facets of delivers physical discomfort.
Inside faces of the square cave in if a child feels that something is given short, attention, care, for example. He feels that he is deprived of something and feels a sense of resentment. In your case the situation is complicated by the fact that the child had to adapt to the change of your marital status — with the advent of the man in your life, he may feel lack of attention. Excessive strictness, not combined with timely praise, just might contribute to the emergence of feelings of resentment, which leads to disobedience. In the end, disobedience, stubbornness, disobedience. In severe cases — a tendency to sadism.
But not so easy in this situation. On the state of mind anal child has a negative impact and “camber square” outside — when he feels that he gets more than he gives. Inadequate praise received by the child, devalues its value, and even can cause feelings of guilt. Anal the child is difficult to overcome this feeling, he is confused, as a result, it can also lead to visibility of disobedience.
More information about raising a child with anal vector you can get from the article “don’t go, mother, to kindergarten. The stubborn child – breaking or bending?”
Disobedience as a response to the inadequate “No and No”
Disobedience anal child is only one of variants of development of events. A very different life script is formed in the case, if a child has cutaneous vector.
“Hyperactive, limb, unmanaged…” — what only epithets don’t reward the child with dermal vector. A particularly sensitive area of these children is their skin as soft, smooth and very receptive to any physical effects.
These children are born “hunters” — active, agile, flexible and plastic, both physically and mentally. Their mentality is the mentality of the leader, leading the “pack” hunting or war.
Optimal conditions for the development of the mental skin of a child is adequate limits. Ideally, such a child would have to agree, because the concept of “benefit – benefit”, we can say, in their blood.
But inadequate ban, nothing substantiated, causes in him a spirit of protest and the desire to resist the pressure. The harder the “frame” put by parents, the less will be obedient skin child. And the opposite is also true — a complete lack of discipline and treatment for skin of the child is detrimental.
Understanding the processes occurring in the mental skin of the child, parents can easily create optimal conditions for the development of its innate properties. Agreeing with him, setting reasonable limits, adhering to the mode of the day, you will be able to obtain from her son the best possible obedience.
What if your son is a Chief?
All children are different. Someone slow, but thorough. Someone flexible, agile and possesses leadership qualities. But about five percent of children are born with the properties of the Leader — a man able to lead entire Nations.
Urethral children (the most sensitive area is the urethral canal) need special treatment.
Actually urethral children are the most adequate, not requiring any education in principle. Nature gave them the properties of true leaders, such as the ability to take responsibility for all who belong to his “flock”, the ability to set ambitious goals and achieve them.
Set but not provided… To a large extent from their parents, their position depends, will grow little “leader” by the President or a criminal leader of the pack.
How to educate urethral child? First, it is necessary to completely overcome the stereotype prevailing in our heads when urethral kids need to be Regent, as with the Prince, instead of the usual caregiver.
Difficult? Of course. But agree, the end result is worth it for parents to find a special approach to your amazing child.
A small “leader” it is impossible to praise the “top down”. If for anal child such praise is the best stimulus for new achievements, for urethral child such a condescending praise means trying his demotion in the rank — humiliation, which carry the leader.
The same applies to punishment, especially physical. Urethral child in any case can not be beat — it deprives him of a sense of security at home and so he begins to perceive their loved ones as a “hostile alien pack”. But with someone else’s pack Leader will fight…
Don’t be afraid to lay on urethral child responsibility and then ask him. This will only promote the development of its innate properties. Never praise him leniently, only admire from the bottom up. Don’t try to limit him in any possible way — “leader” simply will not tolerate and will sooner or later break out of any cell.
The leader makes “entourage”… ideally retinue, which must rely urethral child must be his family.
P. S. As you can see, Irina, to answer Your question is impossible — it all depends on the properties of any of the vectors endowed with your child. Mastering systems thinking, You will be able to solve all the problems in the family.
System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan for the first time allows you to approach the process of raising a child in a differentiated way, taking into account peculiarities of his mental. To evaluate the effectiveness of this knowledge you can by signing up for a free introductory lectures Yuri Burlan regularly. To find out the date of the next lectures you can on the official portal: free lectures .