How to behave to parents after the divorce
The parents divorce, the crux of the problem, maybe someone will seem banal: a husband and wife divorced, the child remained with his mother, who by all means give to see the father with a beloved baby.
However, many divorced families goes through this situation, and they don’t seem so trivial and simple. Begin mutual reproaches, quarrels, division of property, but the worst is when parents begin to “share” the child. And if you are one of these families, some of you will say: “But what about in a different way. I love the baby more than him!” or “This is he to blame for our divorce, his or her family doesn’t need it, so baby stay with me!” – and many similar statements. And, most strange, the parent in this moment is not thinking about that divorced spouse is with him and not with the child.
Do not give to see the baby? But some of you at least once in the time of the divorce, tried to take the place of the baby and look at what is happening with his eyes? Let’s try to imagine yourself in such a kid: “I gradually notice how my favorite mom and dad at first rarely, then more often swearing, shouting, they rarely pay attention to me (the child is experiencing loneliness), always something to share.
There comes a day when they call me and just say they decided to divorce that can no longer live together (but why? after all, before they were fighting, but were reconciled, perhaps the reason for this I? thinks the baby and it becomes the first blow to the psyche of the baby). Divorced. Live separately. But every time mom and dad ask, “And with whom I want to live, and who do better?” – (what a question, of course, with both of you! How can I choose. – the baby is experiencing the horror and confusion) In the end, “left” mom, daddy left (or Vice versa). But there happen strange things: mother hides me from my dad, now she says he’s bad (hard to believe), on the street grabs me in his arms and we run away from the father as from a fire. But why? Why? Why. After all, I still love. ”
And this is the most modest and harmless example of divorce. Well, you say, we get it (or already knew) that hurt our child. But what to do? What to do in this situation? After all, we ourselves are painful and difficult.Then these five recommendations will help you advises :
when you explain to the kid why mommy and daddy are no longer together, explain to him that you still love, and it’s not my fault that you’re getting divorced. Child important it is to hear;
never put the baby to live with mom or dad (who has more love). Most likely you will still make their own way (or this issue is already solved), and for the child the situation of choosing an insoluble, if we’re talking about preschoolers. It’s still something to offer to choose to live always in the night or during the day;
forbid not to see the child with the other parent. Your divorce in itself makes appointments with him are rare, so don’t deprive your baby of mom or dad at all, don’t make it an orphan living with parent. (we’re talking about the situation, if the father(mother) wants to see the child);
never set your baby against your former spouse. The reason why you divorced, the child will still understand only a little later, but then you may find yourself in a losing situation. Yes and do you want every day to spoil yourself and your child’s mood like that attitude, and to remember once again the reason for the divorce (well, only myself to torture);
and the last recommendation to you that will help your baby continues to feel loved and happy, and in the future to create a strong family: no matter how sad and hurt after the divorce, live with these feelings and let go, forgive the former spouse. The only way you can show your child that the divorce is not the end of his happy childhood. And when your kid grows, you can build your happy family and the threat divorce (children of divorced conflicting virtually impossible for parents to create a strong family) will be minimized.